Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
