Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
