I'm gonna have a badass scar
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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