also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
