If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
