dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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