I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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