I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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