You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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