Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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