nut hugger
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
