i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
