Barsexuality is the new black.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
