He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
