U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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