No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
