Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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