her vagine was all disorganized.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
