Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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