Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
