he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
