Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
