I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As shirtless as possible
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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