oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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