Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
