no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
