I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
