butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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