i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
