I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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