but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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