sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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