dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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