My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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