The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
