I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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