I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
