you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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