her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
