we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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