so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dicks are not precious.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
