he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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