did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
