So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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