my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
