How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
