we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
