if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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