you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
