Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
