i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
