look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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