if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
